The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
