is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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