I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
