Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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