If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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