hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
