You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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