That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
