Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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