There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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