You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
In America we eat man semen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
