I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
