Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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