I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
