I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
