I can't breathe out the right side of my face
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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