i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
