I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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