she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
