Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
