I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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