he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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