you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize