States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
