hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
