my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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