I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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