Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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