need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
