he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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