If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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