I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
