I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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