I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there was a trapeze. enough said
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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