youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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