she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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