Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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