First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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