There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
