Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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