I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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