hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
