Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
