It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
