I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
