Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
