my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
50% drunk capacity currently
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
