I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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