Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
