Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
