You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
