i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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