When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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