Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
