The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
