Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
