3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
