I bet he comes in French.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
