I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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