do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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